This pregnancy loss and baby loss prayer helps those who have lost a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, SIDS or an adoption not going through. Losing a new life is devastating to parents and other family members because we lose not only a new life just when it should have been beginning but we also lose the hopes and dreams for the future that we had in our hearts for the lost baby.
This guided prayer will help you express yourself to God about the loss of your baby. Blanks have been left in this prayer for you to speak personally to God.
Pregnancy Loss and Baby Loss Prayer
Dear God our Father,
We come to you today crushed by the sorrow of the loss of our baby__________(name). We never imagined this heart rending ending when we heard the joyous news that our baby was on the way. It hurts so badly because of the love we had for our baby for the brief time that they were a part of our lives.
We thank you that you loved our baby from the time of conception as it says about each one of us in the Bible:
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:13-16)
We thank you that Jesus welcomed infants as it says in the Bible, “Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.’” (Luke 18 :15,16)
We also thank you for your special care for all of our children as it says in the Bible: “Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 18:10)
We take comfort in the thought that your angels surrounded our baby every moment of life and that their angels always kept them in your sight in every moment of their existence.
We go through so many different emotions as we think about the loss of our baby. We pray your strength and presence as we experience each one during our grief process.
To begin with, I want to talk to you honestly about our lost hopes and dreams for the young life that will never be fully lived. Here are some of the dreams for our baby and our life together that cause me the most sorrow_______________________________________________________
Lord, sometimes I question things. I question myself, the medical community and our human biology. I question why this happened now, why it happened to us. Sometimes I even question you. Here are some questions that bother me __________________________________________
Lord, my mourning and loss sometimes causes a head-on collision of emotions when I encounter other’s good fortune, happiness and normal lives. It’s hard for me to see baby items, pregnant mothers and babies. Here are some things that have caused my emotions to ambush me______________________________________________
I pray that you will help me accept my emotions as a normal part of grieving the loss of our baby. Help me accept the following emotions that have come up, believing that you are there with me during my darkest moments ____________________
Lord I don’t see a way forward for my future. For a time, our lost baby charted our future for years to come. Now I’m not sure who I am or what I should be doing. Please direct me step by step in the coming days. Here is one step forward you seem to be giving me today________________________
Guide me to seek the help that is available to me and my family. Too often I find myself pretending to be OK in front of others when I’m really not OK. Sometimes I avoid talking about our lost baby because I’m afraid I’ll fall apart emotionally. Help me to talk to someone about how depressed I can be, how tired and drained I feel. I pray that you direct me to a source of good help. Here is a good source you are bringing to my mind right now ___________________________________________________
Show us a good way to remember and honor our lost baby in a way that is most meaningful to us. Here are some thoughts you are sending my way on how to honor the memory of our lost baby______________________________________________
I now pray that you will restore and strengthen our hope. I thank you that you always promise to be with us, even in the darkest moments of our lives. I cling to your promises in the Bible:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)
We end our prayer by affirming our hope that some day the imperfections of this life will go away and your perfect design for every life will be fulfilled as it says in the Bible: “No more shall there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not fill our his days, for the young man shall die a hundred years old…” (Isaiah 6 5 :20)
We affirm your love and remembrance for our baby as a picture of your own love for us: “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15)
We place ourselves and our love for our baby in your hands. In the name of Jesus, your precious son we pray , Amen.
About this prayer
I wrote this prayer after the daughter of our minister delivered a full term baby boy who died of an infection a week after his birth. As we all wrestled with the shock of this turn of events we all prayed for God’s comfort for their family. I imagined how dreadful it was to come home from the hospital with empty arms and to see an empty crib, infant clothes that wouldn’t be worn by their baby, blankets under which their baby would never be tucked. Plus I thought about all of the hormonal and bodily changes her daughter would be undergoing after pregnancy that would be that much more difficult after losing her baby.
The death of the baby affected not only the parents, but the grandparents and extended family as well. It caused everyone to have difficulty making it through the day without breaking down and it even caused some of us to question things we’ve always believed.
Emotions after the loss of a pregnancy or a baby
If you’ve experienced the loss of a pregnancy or an infant, experts say that you might experience a broad array of emotions. You will go through stages of grief and may experience depression, anxiety, anger, stress or guilt. In the case of a lost pregnancy or miscarriage, you may experience a delayed reaction weeks or months later. Some couples may be ready to try for another pregnancy right away, still others may find it a challenge to consider going through another pregnancy.
In their desire to help you move forward, others may offer platitudes and say things that are unhelpful and hurtful. They might say, “You’re still young and you’ll have another chance, you’ll get pregnant again.“ Others may treat a pregnancy loss as a minor blip or might try to philosophize that the baby was probably defective. Obviously these and other reactions from others aren’t helpful and often magnify the pain. Try to surround yourselves with supportive people who will allow you to grieve and express your pain.
If your emotional pain continues, adversely affects your ability to function, or leads to depression, pray about finding help from a pastor, doctor or licensed counselor. You also might consider joining an online group where people help each other following miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death.
Memorializing your baby
Another avenue of healing you might consider is doing something tangible to memorialize your baby. One couple I know who went through infertility and adoption only to lose their precious baby to sudden infant death syndrome planted a small flower garden in their yard and named it “Joey’s Garden” in memory of their lost baby. Being in the garden and watching things blossom and grow proved a good outlet for their grief and their need to keep their baby’s name part of their family conversation.
You may choose to do a traditional funeral service or to have a simple family memorial. You may choose to give a name to a baby lost during pregnancy, or you may choose to call them by an endearing name such as “My little angel.” One woman I know who had several miscarriages counts herself as the mother of these children. When asked how many children she has she says, “Two on earth and two in heaven.” There is no right or wrong way to honor and memorialize your child – do what feels right to you.
Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
In researching this article I discovered that there is a Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Remembrance Day commemorated on October 15 each year. In 1988 US President Ronald Reagan proclaimed the month of October as Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss remembrance month. Go online and you’ll find different ways to remember your child and to help emotionally support those going through the same pain.
Suggested ways to mark the day include lighting candles, having memorial walks and taking part in turning on lights at night.
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Copyright Karen Barber 2018. All rights reserved.